I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
