we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
