You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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