I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
