i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
