that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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