Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
