Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
