P.S. I can't hear my feet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
