I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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