3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
