I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize