Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
