when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
