do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
