hotel room ftw
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize