i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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