i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
