you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
