I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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