I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
