maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
