the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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