remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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