u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
