their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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