Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
