Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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