Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
