you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
God, I missed his penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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