What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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