just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
