Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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