so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You are a genius and a whore.
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