We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
