it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
