There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
