And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
