I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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