you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
