Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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