I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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