We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
