i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no you cant smoke seaweed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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