Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
