dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
