This is not my ceiling
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize