i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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