I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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