ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
