Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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