I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
