Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
