He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
