hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
