Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
