so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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