4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
