She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
