it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
drinking out of a sandbucket again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
