So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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