I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Farmville is her only friend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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