i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
