Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize