So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
