he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize