im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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