you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
